Demon Finale, Reaching Around, Déjà Vu And Fuck You Too

If only...

As often times happen, I don't really have a direction with this again today. I am hungry, out of coffee and my desk is brimming with shit. I am also feeling kind of anxious and overwhelmed. There is so much that I WANT to do and only so much that I CAN do. I suppose that is a pretty typical situation people find themselves in but it honks big time. All week I toil and strive in anticipation of having a day off and when I finally do I spend it whining on here and watching Netflix. The first season of Diablo 3 ends in a few days to so I need to level cap my Demonhunter on there if I want the exclusive trans-mogs. Shit, I guess I actually have a lot to get done today so I should probably make this quick.

This just felt right. 

Recently I have had a small internal conflict. I have been feeling a pull to become more involved in my local music scene. Because realistically, I am pretty much one of those people who complains about how shitty things are and then does absolutely Jack-shit about it. That being said, it is difficult to promote change within a scene when: A. You do not posses any resources within that scene to "demand" change, (vis-à-vis you do not own a tangible space where events could take place or have the social currency to draw in favors from your community; meaning you're not "cool" enough to be paid attention to.) B. You have very little interest in the interests of others that conflict or pale in your opinion to your own agenda. Speaking for myself, I am a misanthrope plain and simple. I just flat out do not put importance on what most people are passionate about. There are exceptions of course. For example: Music. I think music is great and I know a lot of other people feel the same way in my general vicinity. That being said, music is very cultural. Even within the small scene we have in Grand Rapids, it is pretty much like anywhere else. It's fragmented and essentially if you're not doing the "thing" that everyone is digging at the time then your shit out of luck and jolly well fucked. None of what I am saying is news to anyone, most people would either agree or at least relate to what I'm saying in this community and abroad. But let's go back 4 years. When I first moved into the city limits of Grand Rapids and started going to shows a lot more often there was a great sense of comradery. I could go over to the house show of punks, art kids, stoners, metalheads, or twinkly emo's and felt no borders. People moved, venues closed and shit got fucky. It happens. But having experienced it once in my life I have no doubt that music can be fun again in this city. I don't have the answers on how to attain this, and I have a feeling the people calling the shots right now are just as full of shit as any other person on the planet. So for myself this is a difficult path to take. I feel that it is only fair to contribute to a scene that has/(hopefully will) support my own music and endeavors. But I also feel that myself and other loser fuckheads who happen to live here will be ignored. Realistically not everyone is going to get what they want and in fact it will be far from what a good chunk of people will want. The fleeting and negligible topics will most likely take precedence and the rest will go down the shitter. But that doesn't mean people shouldn't at least try to change things even if it is futile. All I can say is God Hates Us All and we should shoot from the belt with that in mind. That made no sense. Fuck it, do it live.

"Got no good plans but a good idea, 

Let's put this town in my rearview mirror. 

Yeah, I got enemies, (fuck em') but they don't know. 

They won't get no glory on that side of the hole."

A feeling I know all too well.

On this same subject, I have to vent about something. For the purpose of anonymity I am going to be mildly vague so I apologize if the following seems confusing. But I have always done my best not to be someone who just shits all over everything out of anger and I want to be reasonable. This is something that has bothered me for a long time, but moments ago another example of it just came to light. I would like to preface this by saying that I know that everything creative has already been done and no idea is ever truly original anymore. I don't consider myself to be a creator of great thoughts but perhaps I maybe rejuvenate things that better people than myself developed long ago. But I want to talk a minute about plagiarism. Over the last few years I have had a couple of ideas that I shared with fellow musicians and I got burned. I was just talking last night about a song title that Ruined has that was originally called a different name. I had to change it because when I shared a rough demo version with another musician, about two months later they released an album with that same song title on it. It sounded nothing like my song and as I said I know that I don't make these words up in my room when I am not slaying demons or looking up pedal reviews. But alas I would look like a turd if I then released that same song titled as is especially since we were vaguely within that same genre of music. I would look like the fraud, despite the fact that we both would know I would not be. And it has happened yet again. But as I was talking about above, I am not cool. I am not a voice to be considerate of. If it's my uncool word against someone's cool word then I am fucked and have to deal with it. I am sick of it, and people wonder why I hate everyone. I'm done with it. Stay gloomy and fuck everyone.

P.S. I wrote the above segment several hours ago when I was feeling a sense of enmity. Since then the situation has been for the most part resolved and I have let the majority of my anger go. But I consider writing both a hobby and a catharsis so I decided to leave it the way it was not out of passive aggression but simply as a documentation of a moment in time. God Hates Us All.