Been a little while since I have posted. Like many of you I was gored by the holiday mammoth and my carcass was flagellated mercilessly by it's bloodied, albeit jolly tusks. More than any other year this season was especially stressful. I only went out into the world of commerce once this year and it was more than I could bare. I consider myself a level 5 Road Warrior with a major in Smooth Criminology, but even my cantaloupe was getting cooked on the highways of inhumanity. I thought for sure I was going to have to fight off a mob with a tire iron in the Bed Bath and Beyond parking lot. They had eaten the foam dispensing lavender hand soap and were rabid from the demonic Christmas spirit possession. Luckily I tore a page out of the Doc Brown playbook and slammed it to 88 and got the fuck out of there. Shopping would be fine if it wasn't for all the people, and driving places, and carrying shit, and paying for shit I don't need with money I don't have. Oh that's right, shopping fucking honks. I got some cool stuff though and had fun opening gifts with my family/roomies/co-workers. I try to socialize at least once every solstice if I can.
Now let me rip right into a juicy little gripe I have. I always say that I won't rant, but I am almost certain that this will spiral into a bile inducing rage-gasm with an indefinite horizon of conclusion. So buckle up and go take a leak right now. That's right, I want you to strap yourself to your chair and then get up and evacuate your bladders. What is a bathroom break but an opportunity for innovation? I often times talk about what I believe to be the root to all the social problems we face in this world and specifically in this country. It's a simple thing that people seem to either overlook or willfully neglect. The subject of this portion is once again the topic of empathy. I am absolutely convinced that the majority of this country is absolutely bankrupt of any trace of empathy and are morally bereft. Let me lay out a personal example of what I'm talking about. This story is small and paltry compared to the things that many people have to face but here we go. "Twas the afternoon before Christmas, when all through my work. Not a yuppie was stirring, not even a jerk. The soups were in the steam table with care, in hopes that my shift would be fucking over soon there. Some stupid ass kids who'd been dropped on their heads, left shit everywhere and probably pooped in their beds. Their vapid mother had just registered to vote, but her cognition skills were a fucking joke. When out in the dining room arose such a clatter, a big fat fucking scumbag walked in and my heart sank like dark matter." Alright enough rhyming shit, I was working Christmas Eve and in walks Captain Fuckdrain and his big bag of bullshit. A preface though to this, at my work an 86 year old man comes in almost every day with his squeaky cane and buys a coffee and makes polite conversation with all of us there. So before General Shitsqueeze walked in this old man had already got his coffee and was sitting down. The scene is set for my big "humanity should burn" lecture that I was getting to. So Johnny McTurdchew walks up to the counter and wants to know about our soups with a fucking Bluetooth in his ear. I won't take you through every moment of our interaction, suffice to say every moment the thought of smashing his head with a panini grill became more and more enticing. The most important aspect of my story though is this; moments after Corporal Taintswallow and I begin our soup discussion the old man I told you about spills his hot coffee all over his table and himself. I quickly grab a few rags and run over to help him get the hot fucking coffee off of him especially since he can't even get up fast enough to avoid the coffee dripping from the table. So as I am helping him Colonel Cornhole screams, "HEY! I WAS TALKING TO YOU! WHAT'S IN THOSE SOUPS!" In case you are lost, this fucker was offended that I interrupted our soup conversation to help an old man covered in hot coffee. It was Christmas Eve, I was tired, I was cranky, and I was about to use a coffee covered table as an assault weapon. I wish I could tell you all that the Bluetooth Bandit is in the hospital right now, but unfortunately I kept my cool. When people talk to me about the goodness of humanity and the triumph of the human spirit I just can't reason with them. I have had far too many moments like the one described in my life. Animal liberation, human annihilation.
2015 better be this good.
Alright that was a long ass rant as expected and I don't believe anyone has read this far. If you have I will just end by saying that I have high expectations for the coming year and have set a lot of goals for myself. I turned 26 four days ago and I want to go on as many tours as possible this year, put out new music, work out a lot, read at least one book a month and just try and be a more well rounded individual. I'd encourage you all to do what you feel needs to be done over the next year to put you in a better place next winter. May the forces of evil become confused on their way to all your homes. Until then, stay gloomy.
I talk about people I hate a lot on here as you all know. Whether it's yuppies, cops or other vegan straight edge fuckheads we have a little bit of everything for everyone on here. But even last night I had a moment where I thought about how great it is that I hate so many people. Because the more people I hate, the more exclusive my circle of friends becomes and the more I love and cherish the moments I have with them. Well, I guess it's becoming more like a triangle of friends...or a better analogy would be an organism's cell of friendship. You have myself as the gloomy pissant nucleus, and then you have the great people who accept me who are the mitochondrion, a few ribosome acquaintances and then everyone has a few of those cumbersome endoplasmic reticulum. Don't get me started on those fuckers. But all in all, though I do worry or ponder about lost friendships that I once had I am probably at my most comfortable social center that I have ever been in my entire life.
I am really lucky to have great co-workers too. You know what's crazy? I work at a typical capitalist establishment and yet no one at my work ever says the words "bitch" or "fag" ever. You know how great that is? I don't have a single person at my work that I have to be in my head saying, "Great, here comes Fucky McShithammer..." That has a huge impact on going in there everyday. I would probably be insane by now if it were any different. It's really fucked up that people have to go to work everyday and work in a social environment that they despise on top of having to do menial shit that holds them back from making personal progress. As I said if I had both of those things happening simultaneously and having to listen to these fucking mouth breather consumers everyday I would most likely scream "SERENITY NOW!" and run through the woods naked until wild dogs caught up with my and ate me alive. Perhaps that day still has yet to come. C'est la vie.
Speaking of shitty misogynistic and homophobic language, I have been seeing a lot of posts online lately about feminism and what it means to be feminist. Over the years I have gathered my thoughts on the subject and have attempted to forge my own perspective. I still am learning more and more everyday and trying to keep myself open to new and fascinating facets of this movement. But for starters, I do not consider myself a feminist. Not because I would be ashamed of that sobriquet, but I feel that as a male bodied person there will always be a part of the movement that I could never be accepted into for the simple fact of my biological capacity. I could never fully understand the physical and emotional aspects of being a true feminist and I accept that and I leave my ego out of it the best I can. At best I consider myself to be a feminist ally but even that I am apprehensive to claim. Firstly, I fucking hate men. I think men are truly the manifestations of evil on Earth and if they were all chained to walls and used simply for procreation it would be more than they deserve. I know that is not what the feminist movement is about so I don't really think I am upholding the true ideals of the movement and I could be considered a hindrance. Secondly, for years I have had a lot of respect for powerful woman and I have had immense admiration for the courage of transgender people and their own movement. I felt small compared to them, as a person who had identified since birth as the gender I was assigned I really had no battles to fight. At best I felt as though I could only reach out to other men and try to expose them to the things I had learned over the last few years. But I have recently realized that the more I learned about these movements and the atrocities that men have committed over the centuries that I was divorcing myself little by little from my previous male identity. I have no interest in what male culture has to offer in this country and what little characteristics of male identity I do still maintain I look at them more with disdain than acceptance. The point I am trying to reach is within myself and the way I perceive myself is more complex than I would have imagined a few short years ago. Though I think it beckons further reflection and I don't think I can put it in a simple category, I suppose I would say that the best explanation I can offer is that I identify as gender neutral. I don't expect anyone to really adjust their pronouns or anything around me, for I do still project primarily "male" idiosyncrasies. And my intention is not to alienate others or to have others pander to my personal perception. But realistically, I don't really give a fuck about other peoples thoughts on me. And though this is a public document it is still mostly a place where I gather my thoughts. My main point of this chunk of my rant is that I feel more comfortable identifying as a feminist ally when I accept the fact that I no longer identify as a man, and that I still feel I could reach out to others from my position of privilege in order to expose them to new knowledge. And that I still think that people who do identify as men but also regard themselves feminist should consider being allies instead. Because realistically, equality will be unobtainable as long as your ego thinks that you are privy to any and all things and you are unable to realize that male privilege is blocking your ability to truly help out. Let the girls have the room, you've had your turn.
Us in the studio.
Now that the soapbox has broken beneath my feet, let's talk about some fun Ruined shit! Yay! Last week I updated you millions of people who read this blog about some recent changes happening in the Ruined camp. Essentially we are holding off on our full length for a bit and we are going to put out some different stuff. Now last week I said we are going to be putting out a demo with two old songs and one new song. As always, I talk way too quickly about shit and I change my mind about 20 minutes later. Our plan is now this. We are going to do a two song demo that may or may not be released publicly. It will primarily be used to send into record labels to get some more attention and hopefully bag us someone willing to put out our full length and future releases. This will be a great stepping stone to the relentless touring we are going to be doing. I have plans to at least personally be on the road once every 3 months if it can be helped financially and mechanically. But we are also going to be doing a split with my good pal Dean over in jolly ole England with his project KNIFEDOUTOFEXISTENCE. It will most likely be two brand new songs, one of which we are putting the final touches on and I have a brand new one I started working on the other night that I think would do nice on that split. To say the least, the Ruined beast is awakening and it's coming to a town near you. Get ready for the rain. Stay gloomy.
Hello again one and all. Not sure how in depth I will get today or how real shit will be but we'll just get going and see what happens. I kind of just want to drink coffee, play World of Warcraft and listen to Rammstein. Yeah I play World of Warcraft again and I gotta say I have been having a blast. Much like Diablo 3, Blizzard has done a great job of cleaning up the shitty aspects of their games and listen to player suggestions. With that being said I pretty much fucking hate every person on the fucking game. It is seldom that I can play an hour without hearing a racial slur or a misogynistic annotation being broadcast. Things like this make me reflect from time to time on why I identify with certain sub-cultures even though I pretty much hate every person beneath my banner more than the rest of the world. Complacent vegans prancing around like they are going to save everyone or sanctimonious straight edge kids who feel that alienation is the greatest form of outreach. I'd say for every one of the cohorts I meet in these circles that I like, I hate probably seventeen others. May nothing but sorrow and squalor befell them and their ilk. But gamers are probably some of the biggest pieces of shit on Earth. There was a time when I felt like gaming was a safe haven for the outcasts and reprobates of the world. But it has now become a place for bloated ultra cretins who have given up on companionship and would rather troll everyone and everything. Or it is a place for the frat guy who blows off some steam after a failed date rape attempt by pwning noobs in Call of Duty. I would say that the solution would be to put JEWEL WASP larvae in the next batch of Gamer Fuel and hope all these cockroaches are dragged to the nearest burrow and eaten alive beneath the cold soil. But please, leave my Code Red alone.
I love this band. This band and Tool
are my WoW playlist.
In other news, lots of changes in the Ruined camp this week. We had a practice last night and we worked really hard on a new song that we have been working on. It's different than a lot of our material but we are both having a lot of fun working out the kinks. We also play in a room that was built on top of our garage that has absolutely no insulation or heating so we are building a shitload of character every time we practice now. (See my last post about the glorious merits of Northern character building.) I did buy a few of those hand-warmer things that react to air and they were a big help. You know that thing Elizabeth Banks was using in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno?" The thing that got lodged in Seth Rogen's taint? Love that movie, such a sweet soundtrack. But I was feeling like the Lich King one minute and the breath of Deathwing the next! WoW reference! ROFLCOPTER!!! But yeah I tossed one of those in my pajama pants and would put my hand in there between songs and it helped out a shitload. But after practice we sat and had a talk about future plans. And afterwards I think we both felt a lot better about our long term goals. As of right now, we are going to push back recording our full length for a bit for several reasons. First of all, I don't think we have enough of a following that anyone would really give a shit about a full length coming out. I would rather hold off and get more people interested before dropping that shit like it's hot. Secondly, as of right now we have no recordings of us as a duo to send into labels who would maybe be interested in putting said full length out. So our plan now is we are going to record another EP in the next month that will probably get released independently as a way of gaining interest with both the general gloom masses and so we can have a solid "demo" if you can call it that to send to labels. Now for all the die hard Ruined fans out there who have already carved "Kill God" into their arms don't get too excited. This EP will most likely have 3 songs on it, 2/3 of which are songs that I previously recorded by myself in my room. Now that third song will most likely be the brand new one we have been working on so if you have your headphones on and a belt tied around your neck anxiously awaiting new material you are in luck! You will be able to achieve gloom-gasm once again soon! But for the most part we wanted to finally have a recording that would be a better representation of our overall sound and capture more of that live essence that makes us worth talking about around the water cooler back at Gloom HQ.
When in Rome. Creep out tourists.
Today I will leave you with a nostalgic rant. You know how everyone knows that person who has been to Europe and they come back and it's all they talk about? And they won't shut up about how much better it is there and that they can't wait to go back? Well I have tried really hard the last 2 or 3 years not to be that guy. But the other day I got caught up watching old videos from the tour I did with BEARTRAP and WITCH CULT of our 59 shows in 60 days across the majority of Europe and I just got so fucking pumped. And you know what, this is my damn blog and I can say whatever the fuck I feel like so please feel free to tune out. I miss it so much over there. Everyone loves music and will listen to everything and rock to every band that comes to town especially if they are from another country. We are nothing like that over here, so fucking jaded. My pals from Europe, (if you're reading this Dean, Mazz and Fee I miss you all deeply,) talk about coming over here and I want them to but at the same time I know it would fucking honk for them. They'd make shit money and no one would give a fuck. But I also miss the raw aggression of playing hardcore/powerviolence music. I don't think I would ever start a band like that or become a permanent member but I would love to fill in again for a tour like that. I emerged from my shell a lot more becoming a part of that culture for a brief amount of time. And though it was frustrating and lonely at times I wouldn't pass up another opportunity like that for anything. I don't really have any point to all this other than occasionally I think we all need to ignore the advice of others, say fuck it to our jobs and financial security and just go fucking do something with our lives. Stay free, stay alive and stay gloomy.