Thursday, September 11, 2014

Musky And Muscle-y, Husky and Gloomy, Nerdy and Fucky

Look into the abyss.
And the abyss stares back.
Woke up later than expected this morning. It was our first officially cold morning here in Michigan. It was nice to throw pajama pants on and a Pokemon sweater right away and head downstairs to brew some nice hot coffee. I have been anxious to jump into the Fall framework this year and have acquired provisions for this most gratifying season. I went into Yankee Candle the other day and bought a few Fall themed candles to get in the spirit of things. I walked in and it was only myself and the clerk which I always find myself walking on egg shells in a place like that. First of all, the last time I was in there I broke a 30 dollar candle on accident because I lifted from the lid like an idiot. But also I am of course looking like a Maggot and wondering around the store trying to let my olfactories take in all the emanations. I could tell the clerk was nervous and assumed that I planned to make a "Five Finger Discount" for myself whereby she would have to give me the "Five Finger Death Punch." A battle would ensue in the Yankee Candle Fortress and the Candle Commandos would rush in but I would cut them off at the bridge that allowed passage over the great Melted Wax Moat. Alas eventually I would be overwhelmed and would be trapped in a giant jar where I would await my "scentence." I would be transmogrified into an exclusive scent and sold to the Scent Barons for my transgressions. He who controls the scent, controls the universe. Which beckons the question, if you were made into a Yankee Candle; what would your scent be? They had all kinds of crazy ass scents, one section being limited to only "Man Scents." Which for any of you who don't frequent the land of Yankee Candle the scents included: Mmm Bacon, Man Town, Ale Beer and of course Camouflage. Who the fuck would want their house to smell like bacon? I work in food service, believe me you don't want your clothes smelling like bacon. "Yes I am looking for a candle that is between "Rotting Corpse" and "Tar Pit," any suggestions?" "...Right this way..." And what would "Camouflage" smell like? I would imagine it would have to be what Predator's dreads smelled like. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger covered in mud. Either way, win win right there. I would have to imagine my scent would have to be somewhere between "Burnt Bible" and "Blood Soaked Urinal." The possibilities are endless. But eventually I broke the ice with the clerk when I noticed a 300 dollar candle keg and had to inquire about it. She seemed extremely bored and told me all about this legendary candle. Apparently she has only ever seen one person by one of these and that is burns for over 115 hours and that she is constantly telling people to put it down because they want to take selfies with it and that...hmm...I just realized I have spent an exorbitant amount of time talking about my visit to Yankee Candle. I guess I need to get out more.
Bet that'd smell good.
My childhood.
Moving on! What else can I waste your time with...I suppose it should be mentioned that today is of course the anniversary of the World Trade Center attacks. I don't feel like going on a long rant about that but I will let George Carlin rant for me in the video below. It has also been three years since my Grandpa passed away. He was a good guy who in coalescence with my Grandmother taught me a lot about compassion and the symbiosis that humans can find with animals. My Grandpa and Grandma ran a rescue for Siberian Huskies and my Grandfather was at the time of his death the oldest dogsled racer in Michigan.  I always had such a mystic and whimsical fascination and admiration with my Grandparents unwavering love they had for another species and that stuck with me. As in most cases you don't realize how much someone affected your life until you are no longer able to tell them so. Many of you may know by now I am not very vocal about the things I love and focus more so on the things I despise. And I don't expect most people to understand my perspectives on things. But I feel that I am actually a very compassionate person though I may be private about my feelings more often than not. And I am not embarrassed or discouraged to express those feelings when they come to be. But I just hope that the few people I do care about know that I think of them often and am consumed by longing and regret for my absence from their lives.

Gone too soon.

I searched "RPG Nerd"
and found this.
Wow that got way more cereal than I intended. Lets keep this gloom train rolling! I will leave off with once again a small Ruined update. We practiced last night for the first time in a while but we have a set time slot now so we will hopefully be burning through new material at a much faster pace. We have the pieces aligned for most of the material that will be on our upcoming full length. It will probably be a couple more months before we hit the studio but I see the twinklings of magical gloom fairy dust peaking upon the horizon. Fall will forever be my most creative and ambitious time of year. Something about everything dying and the impeding winter of woe really kicks me in the ass and makes me want to play more. In fact I also got a new fuzz pedal last night which sounds really fucking cool. I used to think I would never be a pedal board guy but it has been so much fun researching and finding new and exciting pieces to add to my gloom arsenal. It is a lot like gearing a character in an RPG but in real life! I have my "6-String Axe of Anguish" with +666 Heresy Bonus and instant Mana Burn. My "Delay Pedal of Lost Memories" that saps Mental Health Regeneration for all I come in contact with. And now my "Fuzz Pedal of Infinite Laceration" that gives an Armor Piercing boost with a 47% chance to cause enemies to flee. I am hoping to have most of my rig set up when recording time comes around so I can reproduce sounds from the record live. Though Ruined is "The Band That Grand Rapids Forgot" our gloom works like a Space Marine spearhead; "One unbreakable shield against the coming darkness. One last blade, forged in defiance of fate. Let it be my legacy to the galaxy I conquered. And my final gift to the species I failed." Essentially, we're going to fuck shit up. Stay Gloomy.

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