Bleeding Black, Police Story, Self Abuse Soliloquy

I am drinking Zakk Wylde's brand of coffee right now. It's called "Valhalla Java" and it's pretty tasty. I have always really liked Zakk Wylde believe it or not. I never really liked any bands he was in but I appreciated his talent and abilities. And I actually saw an interview with him when I was a teenager and the biggest advice he gave to aspiring musicians was "Get a metronome, and play every fucking day." Simple words but that always stuck with me. Say what you want about that dude but he practices every damn day and shits on phony "weekend warrior" musicians. I wish I had his drive and ambition, I used to when I was a younger lad. By the time I am out of work and I take my nap and drink a tall mug of "Valhalla Java" coffee I am still too wore out to play for longer than a few minutes a night. I do try and make a point to play at least 10 minutes a day if nothing else. It may not be much but I am a strong believer in the strength of muscle memory and our brains synapses. Keeps shit locked down. But of course that's why when I was 17 I could play almost anything on bass and now I am just an old stupid idiot who bullshit's his way through bass riffs and cries every night over my lost youth.

"You don't have the right, you fuck."

A.C.A.B.

Speaking of crying, I have two subjects I would like to complain about on matters that have occurred in the past week. Firstly and most importantly, I'm sure you have all heard about the Mike Brown shooting in Missouri, (If not, read about it HERE.) There is a lot of emotions going around and everyone has an opinion on the matter, so here's another one! Of course I was not there, but anyone can stick their head out of their car window and see how much police have a literal choke hold on this country. My prediction is just like every other story, the officer in question will walk away and the justice system will do nothing about it. It goes without saying that our justice/prison systems are complete farces that only people of privilege and power benefit from. So I won't go on a diatribe about this specific incident and the best thing I feel that I can do or any of us can do is remember this atrocity and to remember that Mike Brown was an innocent man murdered for no reason other than prejudice and the autonomy of police infallibility. I get both furious about this horrible action police have committed in Missouri, but I also feel anger that people only give a fuck about police brutality when their actions are so extreme they cannot be hidden from public view. And then after a few weeks things calm down and it's back to business as usual. The most important thing we can do as human beings is to sustain our outrage and to project it in productive, meaningful and direct ways.

The second thing I want to talk about is the unfortunate news that has eclipsed the very real, pervasive and ongoing story of the Mike Brown shooting. As EVERYONE ON EARTH KNOWS, Robin Williams apparently committed suicide on Monday. No offense to Robin, but his timing really behooved the white elite by downplaying the entire Mike Brown story. Instead of burning every copy of "Time Cop" in protest, everyone was sobbing and watching "Aladdin" Monday night. Now to be certain, I was deeply crushed to hear of Robin's demise Monday afternoon. I coincidentally happened to watch the movie "The Birdcage" Monday afternoon and shortly after the movie was over my father texted me the news of his death. He was one of my favorite actors and many of his roles touched me at a personal and philosophical level. But as I said it was very frustrating to see how distracting that was for everyone while something deeply historic and critical of our culture was blowing up in Missouri. The other frustrating thing was people's reactions to the fact that Robin committed suicide and the concept of depression. First of all, I don't believe in depression the way most people do. I do believe that some people suffer from debilitating chemical imbalance and perhaps do need medical help. But for every person like that, I would say 50 people say they are suffering from the same thing. Anyone who knows me for several years knows that I have had deep spiraling emotional turmoil and self loathing from time to time. These hours spent in darkness may be described by most as "depression." I have always detested that simplification of a natural chasm of our emotional journeys. I have been fortunate enough to develop constructive ways of harnessing my melancholy and pretty much every song I have ever written has been a catharsis for my dark side. But that doesn't mean that sadness or "depression" is a negative thing. When someone famous commits suicide, people see it as an opportunity to have an open dialogue about depression, usually by demonizing it and treating it as something that must be removed. I think we should talk about depression, but emotions are not a scale that is meant to be tipped one way or the other. It is about finding a balance between our joys and our sorrows. Personally I have found joy within my sorrows and I know I am lucky for that. And that's another reason I hate everyone, because most people feel alienated about being sad when everyone else is JUST FUCKING DANDY! Well I say fuck these smiling fakes, fuck these happy addicts, and fuck everyone now that I think of it.

P.S. I know this post wasn't very enjoyable, so here is George Carlin talking about death. God hates us all.