Sunday, April 21, 2013

Whilst I Still Use The Word "Whilst", Final Fucking Frenzy, Neat Speak

Pleather for life. Coo...
Today's topics are overall going to be about the beauty of nerdom and the sanctuary of loser living. But first I would like to talk about the dark side of the dork community. The shadowy underside of the pejorative penis if you will. I saw a stout lad a few days ago come into my work. I could tell right away that he had not seen the sun for quite sometime and usually I am bashfully drawn to liking this beast of the night for I too wear "The Sigil of the Blackened Stars." But I was wrong, this was not a fellow traveler down the road of adventure and sorrow, this was a demon spawned from the bog of eternal shit. First of all, he looked like the obese shitter cousin of Van Helsing with a Blind Guardian shirt. Which would fucking rule if his soul had not been consumed by Turdopula, Lord of Shittopia and ruler of the Seven Realms of Feces. I know I have a flare for the dramatic and love to paint pictures that were never there, but basically this guy was super rude and shitty. Which bummed me out simply because nerds should "be drinkable" to one another. If we do not stand in solidarity with each other, then all the people who turned us down will have won. All the floss used for our braces, acne wash for our mangled flesh and decades of forced celibacy would be a total waste. So this is a call to all the losers of the world, if you want to shit on the royalty of society please by all means continue doing so. But we as peasants owe it to one another to stand together against the tyranny of cool people. The pale shall inherit the Earth...

But we press on into the fray. Which speaking of being a loser and never seeing the light of day, if you have read my past few entries you know that I have been playing Final Fantasy 9 a shitload lately. I must say it has been a wondiferous escape from the bland landscape of reality and it has been warming my icy heart like a cool island song. Or is that a hot island song? Anyways, the other day I was just about to battle...OH WAIT!!! SPOILER ALERT!!!! PLOT POINTS AHEAD!!!!!!...Alright have you looked away? ...Last chance... I am about to start... Alrighty, Maggot let you know. The other day I was about to battle Beatrix the general of the armies of Alexandria and the most respected warrior in all the lands. Queene Brahne and those mean black mages had sacked Bermucia and Freya was super upset about the whole thing. Which of course you all know, but anywho the battle itself is not that difficult you just have to stay alive long enough till she gets sick of fighting you. But this battle is right at the end of disc 1, and for some reason when the ending cinematic would start the game would freeze. I was super fucking pissed because there was no way to get around it, I had to get to the next save screen in order to switch to the next disc.
My emotional state at the time.
Mind you I had been playing this PlayStation 1 game on a PlayStation 2 and so I pulled my old school PS1 system and tried to see if maybe I could get through the cinematic on that to no avail. But old school had my back. When it froze again, I quickly opened and then closed the system which miraculously made it skip the frozen screen and go directly to the save point I needed to switch the discs! I tell you what, this paragraph may have been the most boring thing for you to read, but I was on Cloud from Final Fantasy 7 I tell you what! So luckily, my adventures are able to continue and I can keep you all updated on how it goes! Fuck Yeah!

On the theme of old school technology, yesterday was Record Store Day. I have gone the past few years mostly out of support of the love of music and a simple anthropological curiosity of the community of music in general. But I also have a romanticism with vinyl records that I can't quite put my finger on. I do not have an obsession with the "hobby" if I may call it that like many people do. I don't care what pressing a record is or if Johnny McShit-Kick christened each record with the dried powdered vestiges of his grandfathers old can of Bag Balm. But there is something special about holding a record in your hands. Being able to look and admire the artwork or lyrics without having to strain your eyes or Googling it. A lot of bands nowadays also include a free digital download with each vinyl record so even if you do decide that the analog sound or process is too inconvenient then you are still free to enjoy the MP3's at your leisure. All in all I just think they are neat. I remember sitting in my dad's basement listening to "2112" by Rush and reading the lyrics on the sleeve of the record as the music was playing. Or putting on "Harvest" by Neil Young and just smelling the old musty scent of the sleeve's age and hearing that wisdom through the speakers. It's like someone whispering a message into a jar and passing it down for years and inspiring the youth to twist the lid and hear what they have been missing. So like anything, I believe people can take things too far with things like this so as I said before I have just landed on that I think they are cool. And if I ever have an option with any of my bands I would like to put out vinyl records to perpetuate this neat cool thing. Keeping the gloom of decay...alive.

Got 39 Minutes? Listen to this. I doubt you will. It's coo.

No comments:

Post a Comment