Sunday, April 28, 2013

Georgeian Wisdom, The White Plague, And Then There's This

I don't always drink coffee, but when I do,
I think about George Clooney apparently. 
I'd like to talk today about some other things that I find neat. I talk a lot about the things I hate, and I will continue to do so even in this post. But every now and then it's nice to just enjoy the simple things and talk about the things that even for brief moments, bind me to a fellow human being. (Once again, check out this video of George Carlin HERE for his thoughts on this topic. Man after my own heart.) One thing I enjoy is a nice hot Raspberry Latte made by a friendly barista whose heart is as warm as the delicious beverages they create fresh from Mount Olympus. And yet, I despise every other fucking organism that congeals within my perimeter. Like these fucking kids, what the fuck are kids doing at a coffee shop? Have you seen these kids lately? Fucking morons every damn one of them. When coffee was first discovered by a sheep herder, (that's HERDER, not HOARDER,) the inevitable genesis of "The Coffee Shop" was fructified beneath the guise of European Royalty in London by 1652. But then was luckily bastardized by bohemians and artists who essentially said, "Fuck that noise, my ass gets tired too yo." They became known as "Penny Universities" because you could buy a cup of coffee for a penny and spend all day listening to enlightening conversation for free. Now you spend about 5 dollars and listen to a 9 year old complain about how his Ipad is being "retarded." And people still think that hope exists. Shame on them.
Keeping up with the Crabcore theme.
I swear I will say at least one more thing that I do like when I think of it, but while I was waiting in line for that sweet sweet beverage made from the blood of Hades and the sinew of fornicators, I got a small tickle in my nose. The tickle began to grow and I began preparing for a sneeze by having that "Oh Fuck I'm About To Sneeze Everybody" look on my face. Anyways, I covered my face and everything and then I sneezed. That was it. No big fucking deal. But every damn time I sneeze in a public place I just cringe. Not because of the perfectly normal bodily function that just happened, but because I am waiting in anticipation for the person or persons in the room who feel it necessary to abruptly intrude my bubble of alienation and say to this Maggot of darkness..."Bless you." First of all, fuck your bless you. Don't be throwing that shit on me. I didn't ask for it and I sure as fuck don't need it. Secondly, do people ever think about why they do the things they do? Even if they reflected for a moment wouldn't they see how fucking stupid it is to do that? To my knowledge, the origin of the whole "bless you" bullshit started in the 1300's during the black plague. Obviously people were ignorant  and scared because 1/3 of the world's population was busy dying horrible deaths. And people were so weak that even a simple convulsion like sneezing was enough to cause someone's heart to stop. So people began saying "bless you" every time so that their souls could go to Heaven or some shit like that. That was it. They were concerned that there friend or loved one wouldn't get into an invisible paradise if they didn't say that. Which if I'd been in their situation I probably would have said "Fuck it, can't hurt I guess. Jimmy's fucking dead mine as well bless his ass if it'll make him happy."
This is a great depiction of my usual
state of existence. 
But now it's 2013 and I am just some fuck-shitter waiting in line. I don't even see how it is polite. Because from what I am gathering is that they wish I was dead. They wish me a good death, but death all the same. So fuck that and fuck them. Conky don't play that shit. Next time an upper middle class white woman sneezes I am going to start speaking in tongues and cut my palms open and never break eye contact with her. See how she likes  it.

Geez I am really having a hard time thinking of more stuff I like. Obviously I like sitting in the dark with candles and sage but who doesn't? I will admit though I do like to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin while I am riding in a car. For about 4 minutes then I am good. I like video games obviously as you all know, RPG's especially. I really like change jars. I like to get olive jars and super glue the top onto them so I am not tempted to just take some here and there. I like to have a really big one and put anything silver or above a quarter. Then I just got a new smaller olive jar that I put all my pennies into. PENNIES IS MONEY TOO GUYS. I also enjoy fiddling with loose thread on my clothing until all that is left is tattered rags stretched upon emaciated flesh. Fuck I don't know guys, I might have to think about this some more. I had that Raspberry Latte bit and I thought for sure I could think of other shit but just got carried away with all the hate again. Fuck it, do it live I guess. I am going to try banging out a new Tristram song before work. Merp.

The riff at about 2:43 is probably my favorite thing ever. 
So there's that. 

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