Tuesday, March 26, 2013

"Not That Important" : The Zach Meier Story, We We're Fucking Pricks: Young, Hostile and Sober, Gotta Get Away From Me

Today did not start well. I had to work very early and it was not easy getting up. I have been sick the last few days and certainly could have used the sleep. But I woke up with "FAILURE BY DESIGN" by Brand New stuck in my head. So when I got into work I put on the first 3 Brand New records and that just ended up being a bad idea. I started thinking about everything I wanted to accomplish this year, and I started to feel that I was already failing to reach those goals only 4 months in. I haven't been able to obtain any of the things I need to move ahead with my life. And all I do is work and sleep with brief moments of brevity or solace. What's the fucking point if you can't at least buy happiness? Obviously I don't really believe in sustainable happiness but I don't believe in being totally fucking miserable forever either. I was on Tumblr just a few minutes ago and saw a picture that was an abandoned ship in the Solomon Isles and it gave coordinates to see it in Google Maps. (It's - 9°01′23.17″S 160°07′22.91″E - if you're curious.) I put it in and it blew my fucking mind how far away it was. And then just looking at how big the world is and all the places I have never been. Just makes all the bullshit this town creates seem so fucking meaningless. I don't have wanderlust really, I just have tour-lust. I want to go to all of these places and support myself through music. I'm just tired of making empty promises to myself. Shit or get off the pot.

I was watching videos of an old hardcore band I used to be in a few years back. We were kind of shitty and we never really found our stride but I really did admire the person I was seeing. I was younger and less jaded about the things around me. But most of all at least we had passion and we played quite often, both for shows and at home to get ready for shows. I have been burnt and beaten down by so many people and things that I just don't have the energy anymore to really give a fuck about anything especially myself. It was like watching a stranger play songs that I had pushed out of my memory. I think we all need to feel that we are doing something important even if it means bullshitting ourselves into delusional mindsets. I don't know where I am trying to land with this but I guess I have a lot of feelings today.

I apologize that the last few posts probably haven't been that entertaining to read. I think I need a break from myself. I just want to fucking tour. Someone pick me up. Put the keys in, turn the engine.

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